I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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