I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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