I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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