My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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