who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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