this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
