Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
And then he peed in my hair
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