I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
