Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
