You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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