I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
