On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i don't like sucking hair
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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