Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
