he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
