oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
