did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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