May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
