I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
