Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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