gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
