i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
