My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I would ride that face into the sunset
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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