i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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