I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I use my feet as sexual weapons
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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