just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize