Me too!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
