Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
