I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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