Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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