yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
