So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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