Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
