What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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