She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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