He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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