Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
