A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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