By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I can't turn off my feet"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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