And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
