Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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