pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
