Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
