We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize