sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
