Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize