I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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