Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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