Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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