Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Randomize
