she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
