Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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