R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
