you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize