I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
