I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
