am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
