Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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