I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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