She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The adults are the big ones right?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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