I cannot find my penis.
she smelled like a LAN party
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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