what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
