May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
