Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Randomize
