so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
