Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
