too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
