Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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