when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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