her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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