I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's shark week go big or go home
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
