remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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