Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
