It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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