Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
