I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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