Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
