i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my shit smells like andre
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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