woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
