you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Randomize