first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
