legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
