I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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