and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
