doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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