were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
