:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize