Umm I'm too high to move.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
