I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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