; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
