hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
