Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
