I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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