addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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