you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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