Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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