Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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