Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
