I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
