the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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