You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize